It’s time for a confession, my dear Mortals:

I have a crippling fear of letting go of things.

People

Memories

Inanimate Objects

I can’t ever bring myself to be free of the past. The past, to me, is like a chain holding me into place. Every little thing I am unable to let go of is a new chain added. These chains hold me back from, well, everything.

The chains of past relationships I just can’t seem to put behind me, they hold me back from exploring new love.

The chains that hold me to my current job, a job I’ve worked at for just over ten years, they hold me back from seeking out new opportunities. They keep me from growing, and keep me from reaching my full potential.

The chains of past grudges, they hold me back from ever being close to other people.

These chains hold me in place, and make it that much easier for the kraken that is my depression to wrap its tentacles around me, as if I’m a sacrifice to some hungry predator.

To ever be free, I must break these chains. It requires a strength that I don’t even think I have anymore. But I will find a way. I have to find a way; I have no other choice there.

The moral here, dearest Mortals, is don’t let the chains of the past hold you back as they do me. If you find they do hold you back, the only path to freedom is to break those chains. It isn’t easy, but nothing worth it in life ever is.

This is the denizen under the bridge, signing off.

 

 

My dearest Mortals, hello!
I am returning to my home bridge after spending a weekend away in Boston, and it has given me some time to think about things in life (as well as some much needed relaxation).

Something that came up recently, as I was chatting with a friend, was how I often go through my battles alone. It isn’t that I don’t have anyone in my life to battle by my side, I just always happen to push people away when things get rough.

When I am sinking, and that kraken has its tentacles wrapped firmly around me and begins pulling me further into the abyss, my mindset is I don’t want to pull those I care about down with me. I don’t want them to drown with me, so I push them far away (despite the fact that they may be very capable of fighting off the krakens with me). I don’t want others to drown with me, yet pushing them away causes them to panic and drown in their own sorrow anyway.

And despite knowing I’m probably causing more trouble and sadness by pushing people away, I still persist with the “lone wolf” attitude. Humans are pack animals, we are not meant to be alone.

My goal in my social life is to be more apart of the wolf pack. It won’t be easy (nothing worth it in life ever is), but I feel I will be better off for it.

“I say to you all, once again – in the light of Lord Voldemort’s return, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.”

“Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”, chapter 37, page 723

This is the denizen under the bridge, signing off. 

Hello again, Mortals! 
My adventures in Boston have come to a close for this year, but what a fantastic adventure it was!

The main point of my journey was to attend the gaming convention known as the Penny Arcade Expo, or PAX East for short. I totally enjoyed my time at PAX East 2016! I met some cool people, bought some cool stuff, and spent quality time with some good friends. In short, it was an amazing experience! 

Aside from the convention, I explored the Boston area a bit too. The city is quite beautiful, with tons of history behind it. Every building seems to tell a story, and I am deeply interested in all of Boston’s lore. I also ate at a number of awesome establishments, such as the Cheers pub, John Harvard’s Brewery & Ale House, and The Butcher Shop (all were wonderful, by the way). 

I definitely enjoyed my experiences in this amazing city, and I really hope to return in the near future.
Until we meet again, my dear Boston Mortals, this is the denizen under the bridge signing off.

My dearest Mortals, I have returned.
It feels like it’s been forever since my last post (in reality, it’s been over a month). I’ve had a bit of a writer’s block of sorts in regards to blogging, though I’ve been writing a bit for a Dungeons & Dragons group I started, so that’s something I guess.
So what has happened this month?

I started a D&D group, a friend/former love interest got engaged, I got über depressed, and I lost a friendship. And it happened almost exactly in that order. All in all, I’ve had better months. But, on the bright side, I made it through the month. 

Losing my friend (let’s call her… Alice), and seeing the other friend get engaged (Harley from a few episodes back, go figure) has really taken its toll on me. I want to feel happy for Harley, but it hurts to see her engaged to some other Joker. And as for Alice, well, she fell down the rabbit hole for me (if you catch my meaning), but I really didn’t see her that way. My not feeling for her that way hurt her, and in the process our entire friendship deteriorated. 

Truth is, I feel really empty and isolated. I feel like I’m getting pulled further underwater with each passing day. I can’t seem to break free of the tentacles this time.

I just have to keep swimming, I guess.

Until next time, think happy thoughts, my dear Mortals. 

This is the denizen under the bridge, signing off.