A question for you, my dear Mortals:

When you gaze into a mirror, what do you see?

Do you see a strong, confident, and beautiful individual?

Or do you see a pathetic, meek, and unattractive monster?

It is a powerful tour of introspection, but an incredibly important thing to think about. How we see ourselves has major consequences on every facet of our lives.

I don’t love myself, I never really have. I like myself, and I like certain aspects of my own personality, but it’s really no secret to those that know me well that I really don’t “love” myself. I have never seen my own value, or even my own inner beauty.

So what started this inferiority complex?

The truth is, I really don’t know how it began.

I’ve always been shy and introverted. I never had a great social life, and the few friends I did have were always more extroverted than myself. My best friend growing up was “intellectually gifted” according to the school system, and he always went to the “gifted” classes or “gifted” schools and hung around his “gifted” friends (which is totally acceptable, don’t get me wrong). I eventually lost contact with him, and we never really reconnected. And in high school, one of my best friends (and on/off love interest) possessed a very dominant nature. She was well meaning and a good person at her core, but in the end our relationship became sort of toxic to both of us (and we both sort of knew it). I walked out of high school with more emotional blemishes than I had going in, which likely added to my inferiority complex.

Regardless of how (or where) it began, there are a number of factors that aid in my feelings of inferiority, such as my depression issues (thanks Greta), or my love-life woes, or just my general lack of a path in life. I am a mess, so it is extremely easy for me to not see anything more in my reflection than some pathetic excuse of a man that totally doesn’t have any of his life together.

 

“If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return, by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair, and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?”

“Beauty and the Beast”, Walt Disney Pictures, 1991

 

So in closing, my lovely Mortals, I want to ask that every one of you look inwards and try to see the beauty instead of the beast. It is harder than it sounds, believe me I know, but in the end you will be more empowered because of it.

This is the denizen under the bridge, signing off.

 

Hello there, Mortals.

So another Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and I can still feel the memories of unresolved feelings churning in my mind.

I have had many loves in my twenty-nine years, but only a few really stand out as painful reminders of how utterly careless I’ve been in my love life. I feel the need to discuss it somewhere and to someone, so what better place than here?

I want to get certain emotions out in the open, to tell some of you (who may be reading this) how I feel. Luckily for those of you that this directly concerns, I will not disclose your identities.

So first up… Let’s call her Harley (after one of my favorite Batman villains).

So “Harley” came about after a rather not too great time in my existence, and I can honestly say I’ve never really loved anyone more than I did her. She was my level of geek, she intimately understood how I was hardwired as a person, and she somehow saw the man behind the beast. The failure of what could have been the greatest relationship the cosmos has ever witnessed doesn’t belong on one head. We both failed each other in different ways, and though she has moved on from me and found herself a loving man, I still have never really moved on from her.

My failure haunts me every day. I all too often compare other women to her, and compare the happiness I felt around her to what I feel around others. It’s an unfair comparison, and I’ve doomed many possible relationships due to this bias.

So…second up on my list…

Let us call her Sega (yes, after the 90s game system, don’t judge).

Sega was a victim of my horrid people skills. She was (and always shall be) a radiant beacon in my kraken-infested life. She put up with so much unnecessary drama, and I put her through a lot of drama. One thing I’d like to say here:

Sega (you probably know who you are), I have loved you every day since the day I met you. I am so very sorry for not being the person you deserved, and I am absolutely happy that you found that one person that did deserve you. I hope with all of my heart that he makes you the happiest person alive for the rest of eternity and beyond.

And thirdly… I shall call you Red.

You make this list because I have failed you, both as a friend and as a lover. You’ve been fantastic to me for the few years we’ve known each other, and I really haven’t been that fantastic to you; I’ve neglected you and taken you for granted. Your beautiful heart deserves so much love and compassion, and you’re one of few I have judged separately from my previously mentioned comparisons (because you totally stand out on your own).

So to Harley, Sega, and Red: You three are absolutely beautiful, both in body and spirit.
I adore you all and I always will.

 

“From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe: She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
‘After all this time?’
‘Always’ said Snape.”

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”, chapter 33, page 687

 

This is the denizen under the bridge, signing off.